Yes, butt wipe mechanics are a thing and we’re about to go there. This article may get messy and might feel sloppy, but it’s meant to get you clean.
Most people have thought about butt wiping. In fact, it comes naturally when sitting on the john. If you passed the 4th grade you likely developed problem-solving skills that have stuck with you ever since.
We’re constantly asking ourselves “is this efficient and can it be done better?” Surprisingly, butt wiping technology hasn’t come very far (warm water bidets are amazing though).
Suffice to say, our butt wiping methods are a result of both nature and nurture. Much of the act is instinctual, however, at a young age, we’re taught form and hygiene.
As we mature we hybridize the two to develop a strategy that fits our size, weight, and flexibility.
In this article, we’ll discuss the 3 main butt wiping methods. These are:
- Wiping from the back (the reach around)
- Wiping from the front (the undercarriage)
- Standing to wipe
Two of these methods may seem odd to you due to the fact you chose one method years ago and it’s become your “normal”.
Wiping Lessons At An Early Age
At a young age, we’re taught to wipe. We sit on the pot, confused about what we’re supposed to do. “You want me to do what?” we think. “But that’s what my diapers are for. Plus that’s perfectly good water to play in”.
Looking back, it’s a bit odd, right? We’re sitting on a porcelain chair and defecating into fresh water. With all the talk about drought and climate change there should be a better way.
>> check out my article on the best water-saving toilets
So we listen to our parents about how to position ourselves and maximize aim. We get the hang of it and gain our toilet independence. But were our parents lying to us? Was there a better way? Did other families do it differently?
Many of us will never know…unless we watch another human on the toilet (no thanks!). 
3 Butt Wiping Strategies
Read the butt wiping research (yes, there’s research). There are 3 main strategies used to wipe the anus and we mentioned them earlier: from the back, from the front, and standing.
They all seem odd in their own way and they all have their pros and cons. Let’s review each one.
Butting Wiping From The Back (the lean)
This is the most common butt wiping strategy. It does, however, take some positioning and flexibility.
I appreciate the fact it takes the mess away from the undercarriage yet also feel that it’s not always thorough.
>> can you use pumice stone to clean a toilet?
Pros
- Learned at a young age (mastered over time)
- Takes poo away from the undercarriage
- More hygienic
- Works on balance and gentle stretching
Cons
- Can spread the mess upwards
- Requires a lean on the toilet
- Takes time to master
- Challenging to reach for people with big legs and/or butts
Butt Wiping From The Front (the undercarriage)
This is a method that’s also popular, however research has shown it’s not always the most hygienic because the wipe is toward the urinary tract. For men, it’s not much of a problem but could increase the risk of infection for women.
Wiping from the front is easier from a balance and positioning perspective. It also provides an easy view to check progress. This method is easier on an elongated toilet and a little more challenging on a round toilet.
Pros
- Requires no change of position
- Easy to see progress
- Less balance required
- Easy to learn
- Generally offers a clean wipe
- Lazy person style
- No need to twist and turn
Cons
- Bring mess towards the undercarriage
- Difficult on round toilets
- Might be tough for large individuals
Wiping In Standing Position
This method is more controversial than the others and rightfully so. Yet there are some people who prefer it (children and adults). Once someone stands up their cheeks come together….and this is where things could get messy.
The best cleans are when cheeks have space and the mess can’t spread. Once you stand you lose that option, however, the standing method does use a backward swipe, away from the undercarriage.
Most people avoid the standing swipe but there are situations when it’s necessary. For example, when using a public toilet the standing swipe is useful to avoid sitting on a dirty seat. It can also be useful for big people when using a round toilet.
Pros
- Easier for those with small butt cheeks
- If learned young the standing form can be mastered
- Might be more comfortable than sitting
- Backward wipe
Cons
- When cheeks come together things get messy
- Standing squat or straight up?
- Requires individual to bend over for more TP
Which Butt Wiping Strategy Is Preferred
In casual discussions, I’ve found that most people use the sitting position and wipe from the back. From what I’ve heard, this is the most common instruction that kids receive, however, it really depends on the parent/instructor’s preference.
Wiping from the front is the 2nd most preferred strategy, however, there is also a negative stereotype about front wiping and how it affects the genitals in the undercarriage.
Most people laugh when they hear about the standing position. It’s a little odd and the mechanics aren’t entirely clear (maybe it’s more of a standing squat than a straight up stance). I don’t like the fact that you’d have to bend over to reach for more toilet paper.
Wipe Thoroughly, But Not Too Much
So you obviously want to be thorough when wiping. There should be no residue left for skid marks and the like. However, some people take wiping to another level and damage the area around their anus. There is sensitive skin there, folks!
Over-wiping, like sandpaper on wood, can lead to irritation, bleeding, and a raw feeling. There’s usually some type of moisture between the cheeks (it’s warm and people sweat) so it bacteria can grow unusually fast.
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Some people prefer a moist toilette – they clean well, but they not toilet friendly. If you use a wet wipe throw it in the trash can, not down the toilet.
Ever Tried A Bidet
Have you ever tried a bidet? The rest of the world uses them, but Americans still haven’t taken to them (occasionally you’ll find them in luxury homes and hotels).
Bidets are amazing and will drastically reduce the need for toilet paper. You’ll still need to use TP to wipe up the water, but a bidet uses a high-pressure stream to blast the poo out of your butt.
Some people even use the bidet pre-poo to loosen things up. The best bidets offer heated toilet seats, warm water, and feminine washes that will have you hooked after the first use.
Conclusion
Butt wiping mechanics might seem like a silly thing. But considering how much time we spend on the pot, wiping technicque should be explored. Considering the butt wiping advancement we’ve made in the last 1000 years, it’s definitely something that garners attention.
In this article, we looked at the 3 main methods of butt wiping. They are:
- Butt wipe from front to back (the reach-around)
- Butt wipe from back to front (the undercarriage)
- Standing butt wipe (odd but an option)
Each method has its pros and cons, however, the reach-around is the stalwart choice of Americans. The undercarriage wipe has it’s benefits yet doesn’t have the hygiene record of our other methods.
If you’re re-evaluating your butt wiping approach, consider these options. Flexibility, time, and leg strength all play a role in the method you chose. Chances are, you’ll stick with the method you’re currently using.
Let us know in the comments if you have another strategy or prefer one of these methods. As always, thanks for reading Toilet Travels. Come back for more tales from the toilet.